If you are concerned about time and struggling with infertility, you are not alone. What you believe about it will play a huge role in how you feel and compound the experience of not getting pregnant when you want to. There are five common beliefs about time that keep my clients feeling stuck on their way to motherhood. Read on to see if any of these beliefs are running through your head now and what to do about them.
What actually is time? Time is a mental construct humans have created. It’s not something you can physically possess, own, or hold. It is a concept that exists in our minds and while there are definitions that have been created to help us commonly understand what it is (i.e. minutes, days, weeks, years, etc.), ultimately it really is something that you experience very personally and on an individual basis.
When in the midst of infertility your beliefs about time get put under a microscope. It is those beliefs that fuel so much of the negative feelings you have about going from infertility to motherhood. Let alone, if you are dragging yourself through the two week wait every month, there are probably one or more of these beliefs circulating in your head.
This isn’t happening fast enough. When you started trying to conceive you had a set timeline of when you wanted to be pregnant by and when you wanted to stop having kids. Infertility threw a monkey wrench into that plan and now whenever you see a negative pregnancy test, you can’t help but think that this isn’t happening fast enough. Your body and your brain are functioning on different timelines. If you can adjust what your expectation is for your fertility, then you can embrace however much time it will take to conceive.
There isn’t enough time. Panic sets in when you realize another month has gone by without conceiving. You believe so strongly in the ticking clock of your fertility that there won’t be enough time to have your fertility dreams realized. Having scarcity thoughts about time will only create less time for you in your mind. Acknowledge that the time ahead of you is neutral and you get to choose how you think about it will help let go of this thought.
I wish this was over. Probably the most common thought during the two week wait is wishing it were over. This thought often generates feelings of stress and anxiety not knowing the outcome of the current cycle. Every time a doubtful thought surfaces, you wish you could speed up time to alleviate those feelings. Know that those feelings are coming directly from thoughts you are thinking and change those anytime you want.
I have no idea what to next. If you are approaching your fertility treatment without a back-up plan, you are bound to be stuck in the realm of infertility indefinitely. You must plan what you are going to do before you have to do it. The more you plan, the freer you will be in your life. If you do not plan ahead for the potential outcome of your cycle not resulting in a pregnancy, you run the risk of scrambling to make a decision once you do know or indulging in confusion and missing other opportunities.
That was a waste of time. We’ve all thought about it. Once cycle day 1 shows up we throw up our hands in frustration about not being pregnant. If you are making the journey from infertility to motherhood, this thought will only perpetuate your frustration. You don’t know how long it will take to get to your goal, but every month of deliberate thoughts, feelings, and actions will move you forward. When you are doing the work or taking care of your mental health in the process, no time spent there is ever wasted.
Which of these five beliefs have you thought most recently? If one or all of them have been on your mind you would benefit from having my Infertility Mental Health Checklist. CLICK HERE to download it for free.