While the world takes an extra minute to acknowledge mental health today, it is a topic that is on my mind every day. Not only for my clients but also for myself. Most of us don’t give our mental health much attention but it is a critical component to our happiness, success, and well-being in life. When was the last time you actually took stock of everything going on in your head?

When my infertility experience began, I didn’t think I had an issue at all with my mental health. I thought everything was fine until I couldn’t get pregnant. Then my world seemed to fall apart, piece by piece, thought by thought. That’s when I sought out therapy an ultimately coaching to help me with the struggle. By living through it and coming out the other side, I discovered some key clues that I needed help with my mental health along the way.

1. You attach your worth to your fertility. If you believe your worth as a human being has to do with the state of your uterus, you are in for a world of mental suffering. Your worth is a given and is available to you every moment, with our without being a mama first.
2. You believe motherhood is something you don’t deserve. If you think that the reason you haven’t been able to have a baby is because you don’t deserve it, then this is a huge red flag that something is amiss. Everyone deserves the experience of motherhood if they want it. There is nothing you can do or not do to take away from that.
3. You think your body is the enemy. If you are fighting with your body and are convinced that it is working against you in your pursuit of motherhood then you are bound to exacerbate your fertility issues and develop deep wounds with your mental health.
4. You cut people out of your life because they have children. When you start isolating yourself because you want to avoid the negative feelings that come up when you interact with friends and family with young children, that is a sign that things are not right. People are social creatures and cutting off contact with your community will compound your suffering even more.
5. You’ve lost sight of “why” you are so upset. If you’ve been in the infertility trenches for a long time you may not even clearly know why you are so upset anymore. You just know this is the way you’ve always thought about your fertility problems and you’ve never challenged those beliefs.
6. You blame someone else for being the source of your pain. This could be your partner, husband, boyfriend, sister, mother, boss, best friend, or that coworker in another department that just announced her pregnancy. If you think your issues are because someone else did or said something, then you are bound to spiral down the mental suffering staircase.
7. You’re angry most of the time, with almost everyone. If you feel agitated with the world every day, then there are habits you are doing that are affecting how you show up in your life that aren’t serving you.
8. You think you’ll never succeed. If you think you fertility journey looks like one big black hole then everything you do will end up being evidence to prove that true and you are bound to be disappointed at every turn. You’ll start to expect failure and move away from your goal.
9. You don’t love yourself today. This is probably the biggest sign that you need help with your mental health. If you are mentally beating yourself up every day, then this is a big clue that you need some extra support.

Be honest with yourself after you read that list. If any of those things ring true for you it may be time to seek help. Ready to do that? Set up a time to talk with me to see if coaching is the missing link you need to feel better and move forward in your life and on your fertility journey. You won’t regret it.