Reporting is sharing the facts of what is happening. No fluff, no emotions. The facts are indisputable and the entire world would agree if asked about them. Some examples of this are:

• I had a miscarriage.
• The doctor said I should try IVF.
• I’ve been trying to conceive for 34 cycles.

When you judge your story, feelings and attitudes are added in. This is usually where we operate from most. Some examples of judging statements include:

• My body can’t get pregnant on my own, I must be broken.
• I though I wouldn’t have a problem conceiving, I was wrong.
• Infertility makes me feel like a failure, I must be one.

When we report on an issue it brings clarity and helps move us forward. This is immensely helpful to get out of a rut or story you’ve been trapped in. Report on what is happening often. Take stock of the facts and share it widely if you’d like. This perspective won’t leave you feeling sad or upset about the situation.

But be aware of when you are not just reporting but also judging yourself. When you judge yourself, you are pointing out what is going wrong and you find all of the problems that exist. That view doesn’t give you much room to come to a place of acceptance. It gives you even less freedom to grown and evolve.

Why is it important to evolve and grow? Because no matter how you achieve motherhood, you will inevitably need to change somehow. The person you are now will carry over somewhat but the person you are becoming will shine through most. When you take this attitude of growth, it is an easier transition. You are gentler on yourself and less critical when you fail. You are learning constantly and that is part of becoming the next version of yourself. It is important in becoming a mother.

I should also note, you can report your infertility situation without judgment and still not approve of everything you are going through. Of course you have feelings about your experience. That’s part of being human. Those emotions are good indicators of what you are thinking about everything you are facing. Anything you are feeling is directly linked to the thoughts you are thinking. But know that everything you are thinking about it is optional. Aside from the facts, all of those thoughts can be changed and you are capable of redefining your experience.

Need help moving from judge to reporter of your own infertility story? Download the Infertility Mental Health Checklist to get started.