Have you ever felt so terrible about your infertility experience that it literally took your breath away? Like everything in life was fine until you realized you can’t conceive on your own? No matter who you are, life is filled with these kinds of sucker punches where we feel powerless about everything that is happening. Because life isn’t sunshine and daisies 100% of the time, you are bound to experience them. Luckily there is a way to overcome them when they do happen.
Sucker punches happen when we don’t pay attention to what is going on in our minds. That terrible feeling you’re having is triggered by the story you are telling yourself about what is happening. Then those negative emotions surface and that is where the real trouble happens. Emotional pain sets in and we don’t know what to do with it. Instead, we start acting out to try to cover up what we’re feeling. This could be in the form of eating the entire box of Girl Scout cookies while watching all of Season 2 of The Office on Netflix in one sitting and posting a ranting status update about the latest disappointing news from your RE on Instagram.
Even though we can’t entirely avoid these sucker punches, they are, after all, part of the human experience, we can learn how to not feel so terrible about them. Here is what I recommend you do:
Acknowledge. First, acknowledge that it sucks. Infertility sucks and you don’t have to pretend that it doesn’t. Whatever situation you might be in, allow yourself to acknowledge that it isn’t pleasant.
Breath. Open up to the negative emotion by breathing and allowing it in. Emotions are just vibrations we feel in our bodies caused by our thinking. When you resist actually feeling negative emotions, they compound and become more intense.
Watch. Once you allow yourself to feel the negativity you can back up and watch what your brain is doing. Your thoughts are contributing to that icky feeling. What are you thinking that is causing it? You have power over everything you think and therefore every emotion you feel.
Ask. Dig deeper into understanding what your brain is doing. The best way to do this is to ask questions. Here are four questions I keep in my back pocket when I’m struggling with something that sucks.
- How can this make me stronger?
- What can I learn from this experience?
- How can I use this?
- What do I want to create from this?
Questions are a good way for your brain to move beyond the sucker punch feeling. Your brain wants to figure it out, it wants to have an answer that makes sense. Your brain presented you with a problem but it is also capable of giving you the solution to the problem you’re facing.
Lastly, remember that if you are focused on the problem the sucker punch created, your attention will be drawn there and you’ll stay perpetually in the problem. Give your brain more time to come up with solutions rather than to be constantly focused on the problem. That is how you develop resilience and learn how tough you can be.
Need help moving beyond the sucker punch and becoming resilient in the face of infertility? Reach out to me for a free consultation to get started.