I used to think that this is not my life. I am not one of those people. Infertility is not really happening to me.

During the height of our trying to conceive journey, I would think I was living in some kind of purgatory. From the moment we decided we wanted to have children in our lives until the day that dream could be realized, I thought we were in limbo. Time was suspended until we could pick up living again, this time with a baby in tow.

I would say things to myself like, “Oh, we will do that when we have a baby.” Or “We can’t do that until we have children of our own.” All of the sudden there were so many rules for life and, so I thought, many things that I couldn’t feel until we were parents.

I did all kinds of research, wanting to be prepared for when I got a positive pregnancy test. I knew the brand and model of the breast pump I would have and the prenatal yoga class I would attend. But month after month with each negative test I would put my life on hold and continue waiting for (what I thought was) my real life to begin.

It wasn’t until I realized a few key steps along the way that I could let go of the “infertility limbo” I had put myself in. This helped me immensely to move forward and continue living my life get unstuck.

Accept your journey. Living in denial about infertility will exacerbate the symptoms of emotional pain you are in. The more you resist it, the more pain you are likely to go through. Instead, accept that this is part of your family building process. It is okay. It doesn’t mean anything negative about you. It is just part of the process.

Stop comparing. Let go of comparing yourself to others with faster fertility journeys than yours. Every time you see a pregnancy announcement or a positive pregnancy test posted online, it does not mean that you are less than those other people. Their fertility process has nothing to do with your own. In short, stay in your own lane and focused on your own business. “Limbo” disappears when you do this.

Define your next step. If you are waiting around for something and not knowing what your next step is, it will feel as if you are waiting forever. At any point you are at in your fertility journey, define your next step. Even if it is something small like tomorrow you will track you temperature. Always know what you will do next and why you are choosing to do it. Owning your choices throughout this process will feel so much more empowering than thinking you have no control.

Need help getting out of your own infertility limbo? Schedule a free 25 minute strategy session and learn tools you can implement immediately.